Friday, December 25, 2015

What do the lonely do at Christmas??

So…today is Christmas and to some it’s a beautiful time of year. Many people celebrate with their family and friends. They are surrounded by the company of loved ones and companionship. However to some, Christmas is a very hard time of the year. This Christmas, I really struggled with getting into the Christmas spirit. I tried everything! I listened to Christmas music, gave out Christmas cards, amongst other things that didn’t work. Nothing helped. The closer it drew to Christmas, the more depressed I became. This was the first Christmas that we would be experiencing without my maternal grandmother, Mrs. Katie. Mrs. Katie also known as “Great” loved Christmas! She loved opening gifts and seeing other people open gifts. To her, there was nothing better. This Christmas was truly going to be a hard one to endure, I constantly thought to myself. At last, Christmas finally arrived. No matter how hard I tried to prevent it, it seemed that depression was doomed to creep in. My family and I had mental and emotional breakdowns and outbursts. It made me wonder about people all over the world experiencing their first Christmas without their loved ones.

While it’s truly enjoyable looking at people’s holiday pics and videos, it became overwhelming and depressing as well. However, I was determined to make this Christmas a wonderful Christmas, in spite of how I was feeling. I thought about all the years of celebrating Christmas that I had with my grandmother. I thought about how happy she was to see others happy about Christmas. I thought about how the many times I would do silly things to kick off the Christmas celebration and she would be my main side kick with the silly adventures. Those things are what got me through this day. Christmas is not only a time to celebrate the presence of family and loved ones in the present time but also a time to celebrate family memories. In hopes of not sounding clich√©, the reason for the season is Jesus. Jesus represents love, hope, and unselfishness and isn’t that supposed to be the essence of family. So, while so many of us are celebrating the presence of their loved ones that are still with them today, let’s not forget to pray for all the ones that had to celebrate their first Christmas without their loved ones.  I truly hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and I look forward to the many blessing we have to experience in our upcoming new year!

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Don't sweat the technique

So...I'll start off by doing something that I normally never do....asking a question first. How many of us have ever been in a relationship where the other person wronged you? I mean, it felt like it was an INTENTIONAL act of just blatantly doing you wrong. Now, lemme stop right here and post my disclaimer here. I feel like in the demise of every relationship, BOTH parties play a role. To me, it's was either your actions or your reactions that contribute to the end. You may not have been the one doing wrong, but sometimes it's our reactions to the wrong actions performed that contributes to the breakdown. Is that too deep?? Yeah, you're right, it is. So I'll "go in" on that thought some more in a later post.

Sorry, I got sidetracked there for a moment. Anyhoo, sometimes no matter how hard it is to accept, you have to realize that you were the recipient of someone who wronged you and who absolutely did not care that they did so. This can be a hard pill to swallow. Especially if you have put your all, including some borrowed, in the relationship and you still came out on the receiving end of hurt and deception. You can wrestle with the thoughts and questions in your mind, as some of us do, about how could someone hurt you. Or furthermore, how could you sometimes allow it(remember I went off on a tangent about the dual cause of a relationship breakdown, I know, I know, please forgive me).

The truth is, sometimes it's best to not even try to pick at or decipher the situation. Some people can go through relationships with their sole interest in mind. They have no concern for your feelings or your wants. They have one goal, to feed their desires. Now, for someone like myself who absolutely loves to love on people, nurture them and exhort them, this can be a very confusing thing to try to understand. What I've come to proclaim is this, like one of my favorite lyricists, the great Rakim, use to spit, "Don't sweat the technique!"

It's not your job to try to figure out why the person did what they did. However you should hold yourself accountable to recognizing the actions of wrong doing and counteract by moving on. Who knows why people do what they do? Some are hurt and may have an insensitivity to hurting other people. Some believe that it's just a game and the object of the game is to hurt others before they get a chance to hurt you. Last but not least, some people just don't care. With all the individuals that I listed, it can be a technique to THEIR madness. Whatever it may be, it's not for you to figure out. Your job is to protect your heart and gain the lesson that needed to be taught in it all. A lot of times, this may take some painful self exploration. In the end, however it's worth it. It's more valuable to yourself and beneficial than to try to pick or ponder on the other person's technique and reasons for their actions,. Just move on! If you've gained all the tools and knowledge that you needed to gain from the experience, I gurantee the next time may not be so painful.....

Monday, December 21, 2015

For entertainment purposes only.....

So....I most definitely prefer to watch my drama on TV rather than actively participate in it. It's just not my thing. I absolutely adore drama series though. Be it, Real Housewives, Love & Hip Hop or The Haves and Have Nots, I get my "drama fix" from any one of these all the same. I was reading a recent article featuring Morris Chestnut(*pause for fineness....and digressing*) where he was asked for his perspective on 2 popular dramatic characters currently on TV and how they participate in extramarital affairs. His response, that I totally agree with made me think. He stated "First of's entertainment.." Great response, Morris! It's so easy to be engulfed into our favorite shows and their characters that sometimes we may fail to remember that it's meant to be for "entertainment purposes only"

Week after week, we follow these characters as they act our their fantasies and desires without any inhibitions. We may even live our life vicariously through them. However this is not what I thought about when reading Mr. Chestnut's response. I thought about or questioned, "Hmmm, I wonder how many times I have been meant exclusively "for entertainment purposes" in someone's life unknowingly?" In my 38 years of living, I've encountered many different people. From some of these encounters, great, meaningful, and irreplaceable relationships and friendships have been formed. The latter part of this is that some have not. I've endured heartache and pain and have had to search unsuccessfully for the meaning behind it all. I have come to realize that some were meant to show me what I do not want out of a relationship or friendship and others shown me a reflection of my own relationship immaturity.

Yep, I'm not ashamed to admit that I alone was the mere cause of the downfall of some potentially fantastic relationships. However if I can allow myself to be even more transparent, I have to stand in the middle of my truth(thank you, Sister Iyanla for that term) and realize that no matter what I did, sometimes I was never meant to be anything other than "entertainment" for some. There was never any solid evidence of being anything else but that(and nope, I am not referring to sex, lol). Sure, I had friends that I could hang out with, male and female, and we could go out and have a great time together. That has never been a problem for me. My motto is to "Have a good time in whatever you do or it ain't worth doing!" However, when there came a time that I needed a friend to talk to or just be there, some were unreachable or dare I say even inadvertently questioning "Why are you calling me?".

So how do you keep from being offended by this? Good question, I haven't found the answer to that one yet. I do know that it has caused me to look inward at myself and at my encounters with people to whom I consider to be my friends and them likewise. I try to live persistently by the precept, "Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you." I never want to portray to someone that you are just for mere entertainment purposes, just to make me feel good about myself, make me laugh when I'm sad or keep me entertained when I'm bored. We have a whole vast world filled with inanimate objects to do that for us. People are meant to bring a meaning to our lives, be it good or bad. Sometimes, you can find yourself surrounded by people who are extremely negative or it appears that nothing positive comes out of anything they do. The meaning of these relationships should be self-reflection. What is it in you that is attracting these kinds of individuals and furthermore what's in you to tolerate this negative behavior and think it's ok? I've had to do it on several occasions and once I did, I had to be even more stronger and determined to be able to walk away from those persons and situations.

Merriam-Websters dictionary's definition of entertainment is "amusement or pleasure that comes from watching a performer, playing a game, etc." Do we really need to use people we consider to be our friends to do that? Sure, it's wonderful to have friends that make you laugh or to have a good time with, but after the laughs and the good time is over, what are you ultimately bringing or pouring into your friend's life and vice versa? Don't make your friendships or relationships fuel for your entertainment. Trust me, we have so many other avenues and other forms of entertainment for that. How about you join me on Thursday nights for one of my most favorite ones.....SCANDAL!! I promise you it will be "entertaining" to say the least, LOL....