So, it's definitely been awhile since I've posted anything. I could make up all kinds of excuses on why. For instance, I'm enrolled in school, I'm a single mom, I work full time and commute 2 hours to work a day, but I won't. Instead, I'll "woman up" and say that I was lazy and I simply didn't feel like it. I was not only physically lazy but mentally lazy. Not only was I lazy, dare I admit, I was also being ignorant and blind. Yeah, I too, like so many other black people, witnessed or maybe I should say was subjected to the indefatigable media coverage of victims of law enforcement brutality. After being glued to the television for at least a hour a day or scrolling through articles and reading every disparate details of the unfolding events, I like so many, would turn off my tv, say a prayer, roll over and fall off to a peaceful sleep. The next day my inquisitiveness would have me to look again at the news, where the next day, there were almost always an excuse attempted to be offered on why these brutal attacks were justified.
For months, I would stifle the urge to write, which is how I use my voice, on these senseless acts. That's when I wasn't being lazy or ignorant,of course. I would throttle my desires to speak out due to my fear of being looked upon as another angry black person or even worse, an angry black WOMAN! I mean, would my white friends understand where I was coming from? Well, the truth, I later realized, is that no, they would not understand where I'm coming from or the reasons why so many black people are angry. That is something that I've learned to accept. You see, we live in a society where if we don't see it, then it doesn't exist. If we haven't experienced it, then it couldn't have happened. I'm not saying that the hellacious brutality that we've seen on tv has not occurred with white people, but for the first time in a long time, white people are the minorities when it comes to these incidents. Some could never understand how fearful some black people are about not just possibly losing our children or loved ones in a school or a nightclub but possibly losing them and never seeing them again when they are simply walking down the street, going to a store, driving in a car, or questioning the nature of some actions(which could be depicted as using a "disrespectful tone" ). Black people are angry because while we're trying to instill in our children and youth, that there is a better way and that you don't have to earn a dishonest and illegal living, some of our police counterparts are doing just the opposite. Ok, lemme bring it back. I am in no way a spokesperson for Black America, nor would I like to be, so let me just speak on my behalf about why I'm angry.
I'm a single mom of a beautiful, young, intelligent, very articulate and gifted young teenage girl. There is not a week that goes by and almost not a day that goes by that I don't tell my child that she is smart. There is not a day that goes by, that I don't tell my child that I love her. There's not a week that goes by, that I don't make my child recite what "her job" is versus what mine is. She knows very well, that her job is to go to school, make good grades, go to college to obtain her undergrad and then go on to obtain her grad. All of these things, that have become so routine for me and mundane to her, have been done for a reason. You see, I truly was trying to teach my child that no matter the color of her skin, she could go out in this world and be whoever she wants to be. I however was never oblivious to know that, with her being black and a woman, she's going to have to work much harder to do so. So, now that leads me to the present time, where I once again have to sit my child down and explain to her, that on top of you being possibly discriminated or hated because of your race and gender, you could possibly be harmed if you dare to contest this behavior from others against you, just because they know they can get away with it. I have to explain to my child that a white man can serve less than a year in jail for raping a woman but a black man can get shot down in the streets for being reluctant to submit to officers that have a history of abusing our rights as a citizen in this so-called "free nation." I'm mad that, I can not answer her questions when she asks "why did they do that, mommy, what did they do for them to be killed? I'm mad that I can't tell her to go "Google" the answer to that question cause I don't know and Google fo sho won't know either. I'm mad, ya!
I'm mad at myself for being lazy for so long and turning the other cheek, thinking that these are rare incidents which clearly they're not, It's an epidemic! I'm mad that I have to have countless conversations with my daughter about what not to do or to do, when, if ever, she gets pulled by the police. I'm mad that I have god sons that I know will grow up and experience the "jeopardy of being a black man" syndrome. I'm not only mad, I'm pissed. Life is not fair, it just isn't. That I can and have accepted. What I can't accept is that a lot of people with the same race as mine, will never being able to experience that "unfair life" because of unjust actions of some. We can no longer afford to sleep on these issues. There are other people that are watching us to see our reactions. I think the late, great Gordon Parks said it best, "I suffered evils, but without allowing them to rob me of the freedom to expand." We have suffered great evils as a people. The easiest reaction is to go out and loot, destroy OUR OWN property, and do more killing. Let's choose to take the higher road. Will it be the better road? I don't know. I just know the other roads we've traveled have not worked. I also know that it all makes me wanna holler until I have no more voice. However after the screaming has been done, we must regain our voice and find a better way. No justice, no peace! ....until next time, ya....